Response to Queerty's Review OF BYU It Gets Better Video

Yesterday, I posted a video that was made by some of the students at Brigham Young University that was titled 'It Gets Better'.  I also stated in that post that my partner was raised mormon, is a graduate of BYU and was so proud to see student from his alma mater speak out for LGBT rights.

This morning, on the Queerty website, I found this review of the same video that I posted yesterday.

Today we received this video from Understanding Same-Gender Attraction (USGA), an unofficial group at BYU that provides “a place for open, respectful discussions on the topic of same-gender attraction.”

Though the video is titled “It Gets Better at Brigham Young University,” the pain in the voices of these students as they talk about praying to God to make them straight is palpable. And the stats flashed across the screen—some 25% of gay and lesbian BYU students attempt suicide—are heartbreaking.

It seems like USGA has been something of a lifeline for these kids, but you have to wonder why they didn’t leave BYU and go elsewhere. (Sure, they might have to foot the bill, but millions of students do that every year.) At 20, 21, even 24, they’ve decided to stay in a place that, at best, doesn’t know what to do with them.

Is this an It Gets Better video? We didn’t hear anyone saying that they were happy. That they had embraced their sexuality as a blessing, not a curse. That they had met someone and fallen in love.
Are you a recent Brigham Young graduate? Is there truly openness and acceptance on campus? Or is homophobia just wearing a different hat—hate disguised as compassion? Share your story in the comments.

I would really like to respond to this posting by Dan Avery.

I do not know Mr. Avery or how simple or difficult his acceptance of his lifestyle was or if he had any sort of struggles while coming out to friends and family.   Perhaps he had a few, most do.  However Mr. Avery, there are many whose struggle is near impossible.  I met my partner when he was still very deep in the closet. I have been with him every step, watching as he struggled with finding his own identity, railing against everything that had been indoctrinated into him, searching for his place and even trying to decide if the decision to love a man rather than a woman was the right one, even if it meant a lifetime of unhappiness.   That is right Mr. Avery, there are many who have been literally brainwashed by their upbringing that the thought of a lifetime of acceptance and happiness doesn't seem sufficient if it means having to go against everything they have been taught and everyone who is in their life.  It isn't simply a decision of possibly having to pay for a couple of years of college, it is a decision to leave, forget or deny everything you hold dear.  Once you realize that, Mr. Avery, perhaps the tones in the voices seem even more real and the statistics flashed across the screen seem even more concerning.  There are young people who don't just open the virtual closet door and step out in the fabulous rainbow colored world.  There are many many many young people who struggle, fight and often fail in their journey, and I think Mr. Avery was wearing rose colored glasses when he simplified the struggle these students go through with a pervasive church like Mormonism, and we haven't even begun to discuss the other religions that can be just as crippling.